If you are like most educators that I talk to, you are tired of ineffective discipline at your school. But depending on who I talk to, the perspectives are VERY different:
If you are a school administrator, likely you are tired of levying harsh punishments without any behavior change (seriously, what is a principal supposed to do in the office that will affect classroom behavior?). It’s completely burning you out.
BUT
If you are a teacher or staff member, it probably seems like there are NO consequences at all. You send a student to the office and nothing changes. It's exhausting and it is burning YOU out.
Obviously, neither of these approaches are going to work - not if you want to see REAL behavior change.
So what do we want?
The truth is, as much as we want to foster a culture of empathy and responsibility among our students, most teachers and staff would be happy if the student would JUST STOP IT, am I right?
But here is the problem. Research is VERY clear that there is very little behavior change that will take place when we lean on punishment alone. We need to do something different.
What’s the answer?
To see REAL behavior change, we need to learn to engage students in reflection without shame or blame (because when people get defensive they WILL NOT CHANGE!). We need them to help us understand WHY they are doing it and what their needs are.
Until we address unmet needs, most behaviors will not stop.
If only there was an easy way to get students to reflect and want to change!
The answer: The Restorative Questions
Now, if you are familiar with Restorative Practices, you know that it begins with proactive relationship-building and community-building through circles. In fact, we want to spend 80% of our energy building relationships. Only then can we really use the Responsive strategies effectively.
If we don’t have community and relationships there is nothing to restore.
The centerpiece of the responsive work we do in Restorative Practices is the set of Restorative Questions—an almost magical approach to resolving conflicts and repairing harm. These questions guide conversations, fostering reflection, accountability, and understanding without resorting to shame or blame.
The Restorative Questions:
1. What happened?
2. What were you thinking & feeling at the time?
3. What have you thought about since?
4. What’s been the impact on you and on others?
5. What needs to happen to make things right?
By asking open-ended questions driven by curiosity rather than judgment, both kids and adults will respond openly and move towards conflict resolution instead of digging their heels in and refusing to change.
These questions can be applied to conflicts between individuals, small groups, entire classrooms, or the entire staff. In my personal experience, I have found that using the questions significantly saves time compared to traditional disciplinary methods.
Imagine this: instead of lying and evading, a student takes immediate responsibility and even comes up with ideas on how they can repair the harm.
Sound like a fantasy? It’s not. I’ve seen it with my own eyes!
When you use the Restorative Questions consistently across the school, it will encourage students taking responsibility and accountability because they will feel safe admitting to making mistakes - they know your response will be predictable and not punishing.
A lot of people say that Restorative Practices takes too much time.
But if you can get to the heart of the matter and solve it without a lot of lying, avoiding, and blaming others I think that is a win in terms of time savings, right? And the likelihood of students repeating the behavior? Research shows that people are much less likely to engage in that harmful behavior again if it was handled restoratively instead of with traditional punishment and consequences (research shows 10% vs 60% repeating or reoffending)
Implementing the Restorative Questions to address conflict and discipline issues will shift the conversation from shame and blame to curiosity and accountability. You can use the questions to facilitate direct conversations between students or between students and teachers, leading to collaborative solutions.
Tips effectively use these questions:
1. CALM. Make sure you are calm. Make sure the student is also calm. Nobody can reflect when they are dysregulated.
2. REINFORCE. If you have a classroom of students, reinforce them for getting on task and encourage them to continue working while you have a private conversation.
3. ASK the Restorative Questions privately. Pull the student aside or in the hallway if possible.
4. LISTEN for feelings and needs. Be open to how you can help.
5. EXPRESS your own feelings and needs. Yep, that’s right. In Restorative Practices teachers can have feelings too! You won’t YELL or ACT ANGRY, instead you will calmly state how you are feeling with descriptive words like frustrated, worried, exhausted. Kids will respond if they know you are being authentic.
6. MAKE A PLAN.
To roll out the Restorative Questions schoolwide, take these steps:
Introduce the Restorative Questions to staff and plan practice sessions (hint: use my video!)
Post the questions in classrooms, hallways, or even on personal lanyards. (use the FREE Download!)
Begin to use them in classrooms, on the playground and in the office for discipline. Consider using them to resolve adult conflict too!
Ask staff to share out successes in the first 5 minutes of each staff meeting to celebrate and encourage others to give it a try.
We know that not everyone will jump on board immediately, so you want to commit to revisiting the Restorative Questions throughout the school year. Ask people to share out success stories and celebrate them! That not only gives kudos where it is due, it will position these successful staff members to mentor your more reluctant staff to give it a try!
Employing Restorative Questions consistently creates a safe and supportive environment where everyone in the school community feels heard and understood. It fosters swift conflict resolution supporting teachers, administrators, and students alike.
These questions not only repair relationships but also cultivate an environment of respect and dignity while holding students accountable for their actions.
Download your FREE Restorative Questions resource today and transform your school's disciplinary approach!
Comments